


Ambivalence

by Hours_Gone_By



Category: SPECTR
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-15 21:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9258944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hours_Gone_By/pseuds/Hours_Gone_By
Summary: Post-Series 1: Sean thinks back on his actions and tries to decide what to do now.Spoilers for the last half of Series 1, and Series 2.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Day 7 of the 2017 Fandom Snowflake Challenge.

Sean lit another cigarette and stared at his phone. It lay on the table, John’s number already selected, waiting for Sean to make the call. He _should_ make the call. He wanted to, even knowing John might not want to hear from him.

Jansen and the NHE possessing him definitely didn't.

A chill ran down Sean’s spine as he remembered the two drakul, fully manifested and straight of a nightmare, towering over Fort Sumpter in the middle of the storm, tearing into each other. Remembered the heart-stopping terror he had felt as the surviving titan, the monster hidden in Caleb Jansen for two months, reached for his oldest friend with hands ending in claws as long as John was tall.

Sean had been certain that the danger John had suicidally denied had come to pass. The NHE would kill John and then the rest of them before wreaking God knew what destruction.

But it hadn't happened. John had talked down a creature that could have torn him apart effortlessly, probably the craziest out of all the crazy shit he’d ever pulled...and gotten through. Sean had been too far away to hear how he’d done it, but John had gotten through. The storm had receded as the god had receded into the man. He’d saved everyone.

John had known what to say to make things right with Gray. He’d probably know what to say to make things right between him and Sean. If he’d even take the call.

He hadn’t called Sean. Sean didn’t blame him. John hadn’t been the one to screw things up between them. It wasn't on him to try and fix them. Sean should call first, only maybe it was still too soon? Was there a time to call your best friend and try to apologize for shooting his boyfriend on the orders of a madman?

He didn’t know which would be harder: if John wouldn't talk to him or if he would. If he wouldn't, then Sean could tell himself his best friend might still forgive him one day. If he would, then Sean might have to hear John say he never wanted to see or hear from Sean again, severing a friendship that had lasted almost two decades.

There was also the possibility that John would forgive him. John was a forgiving guy, kind and sympathetic and occasionally optimistic to the point of being irritating. Shooting Jansen had been a hell of a betrayal, though, no matter that Sean had been so certain he was protecting John. He’d had no way to know he was being played by Forsyth and, hell, Jansen had been - still was! - possessed by an incredibly powerful NHE that couldn't be exorcised. Sean had tried to save his friend and only wound up losing him instead.

The phone still waited on the table. All he would have to do to answer his questions was pick it up and press the icon.

Sean lit another cigarette and stared at his phone.


End file.
